The CITY

I want to share this change in me but I really am having problems with it. I am become harder, colder and more distant from life. The city really changes a person. I have never spent this much time in a city before and there is a type of energy here that is not the same as in a town. It is a black cloud that is more profound than the smog... it sucks the energy of creativity, love and compasion from the hearts of people. I really am not sure if it is just because I have always grown up in a small town, but I really feel this. I am doing a good job of keeping a hold of my heart. But it is slipping at about the same rate as my english... jeje( mi ingles es peor todos los dias, realmente estoy haciendo lo mismo faltas de los estudiantes en mi clase). This last week I walked right by an old toothless woman sitting on the sidewalk, I had just bought pizza and she asked me for some of it. But I walked right by her. Right after I realized what I had done, so when I got to my house with my sister I turned around and bought her a piece of pizza. But I really am realizing that I can see theings that used to disgust me and now there is no feeling... this is something really sad for me. I am crying becuase I really don't know how this is happening, but it is. All that I can do is be more conscious of my thoughts and begin to reopen my heart to the city and find my way of passing through it without contacting this energy. But I have just found something perfect for me. I am in a special program in school and in the year all the kids need 150 hours of community service. And I am doing a forestation project. In Ashland I used to work for Blythe and Larry in the Greensprings, it was my time to be thoughtful, gather my thoughts and recuperate my energy in the purest sense, in Nature. So right now I am doing something kinda the same. Except that we are planting trees in an area were there never were any, but the grasses there are non-native and the trees are native... and a lot better than the eucalyptus trees which are everywhere. The soil there is perfect, I have never seen so many worms in natural soil(I'm writing with dirt under my nails!!!). I love it, the place is south of Quito on a mountain side, near a highway and a paragliding place, so I wtched people flying over me. I love getting my hands dirty, doing some work and contemplating my feelings as I work to better the world! This is one thing that I have been looking for here! Also the woman who runs the program knows Mount Shasta, she is big into metaphysics and all that cool stuff. There are small lizards in the grass and I have yet to catch one... I loved coming home with dirt on my jeans, blister and dirty hands!